proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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