Where is the hickey?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
