she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
