shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
