i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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