We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mom said you looked used
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
