windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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