Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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