dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
