I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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