I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We were destined to go to rehab together
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
