Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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