Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
BRING THE BAGELS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize