You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
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you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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