You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
