This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
