that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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