I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just had sex bonerless
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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