At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
