Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just fell off a train. Bad.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
