How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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