You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
