I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
