I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
