I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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