someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
