My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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