Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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