My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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