I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
