It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize