Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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