I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
