What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
