I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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