Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
