oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
