If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
