I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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