i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
