I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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