I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
