I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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