My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
