So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
