It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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