im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
