Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
