dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
