How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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