dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
