...so i touched it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
