and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is wine microwaveable?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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