no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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