In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
