another moral hangover. fuck.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
