Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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