I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
