Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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