Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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