Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
