Just fell off a train. Bad.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
