I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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