Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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