who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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