Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
