just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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