My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
