sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
