Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
