So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
