I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
