Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize