you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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